Jacob sent messengers to his brother Esau, knowing that Esau might be holding a grudge against Jacob about that birthright-and-blessing swindle thing from twenty years earlier. The messengers returned with the word that Esau was on his way to meet Jacob, bringing with him a crew of 400 men (Genesis 32:3-6). This news frightened Jacob. He divided his family and all his cattle into two camps, moving them apart from each other so that if his brother arrived and attacked one of the camps, the other camp would hear the noise and could escape (32:7).

And then he prayed: “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O Lord who said to me, ‘Return to your country and to your kindred, that I may do you good,’ I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps. Please deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, that he may come and attack me, the mothers with the children. But you said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude’” (32:9-12).

It’s a good prayer, but Jacob was not done hedging his bets, setting his cattle into sets of droves, sending them all forward earmarked for Esau, hoping to ease his brother’s anger. And Jacob stayed behind, alone, putting everyone else at risk and doing his best to stay out of danger himself (32:13-23).

Then a man wrestled with Jacob all night long, eventually putting Jacob’s hip out of joint: and Jacob still would not let go “unless you bless me.” The man declared that Jacob’s name would be changed from Jacob (an ambiguous name which means ‘at your heels’ – it could mean “I’ve got your back,” or could mean “I’m going to trip you up”) to Israel (a different ambiguous name which means ‘he strives with God’ – which could mean ‘fighting on God’s team,’ or could mean ‘fighting against God’s team’). So Jacob made his way, limping, and called the name of the place Peniel, saying “I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered” (32:24-30).

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For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known (I Corinthians 13:12).

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Ah, Lord God! Our hearts are just as ambiguous as Jacob’s: we want to strive to do your will with all our strength, except when we don’t. We have courage to trust in you, except when we don’t. Help us to walk with you, even if we limp, and to believe that you will sustain us as we do.

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