Jay Ayers

1118 Conifer Court
Jenison MI 49428
jayers55@gmail.com
(316) 323-9107

Dear Friends –

These last few weeks have been quite an emotional roller coaster. I had understood that the spot in my lung had grown by 2.8 centimeters, but it had actually grown to 2.8 centimeters on one axis, from a previous size of 2.2 centimeters. So it had been shaped like a ball, less than an inch in diameter, and now it’s shaped like a football, just over an inch long. That’s still some growth, worthy of investigation, but it’s not nearly as worrisome as when I thought it had enlarged by more than an inch.

We had the PET scan on schedule, where they inject me with radioactive glucose and then scan me to see what organs absorb that glucose the quickest. It showed uptake from that spot in my lung. Uh oh, that’s a strong sign of cancer, so I knew that the next move would be to schedule a needle biopsy to confirm there was active cancer in that spot. How does this work, I asked the oncologist: do I call someone to schedule an appointment, or do you do that, or what? He was not dismissive of my concern, but he said that there was no need for a biopsy at this point, because there really was no indication of cancer. He would show me at my next appointment, which was coming up the following week.

I was not sure that I believed him, but we showed up for the appointment, and I saw the spot on my lung. It was slightly brighter than the surrounding tissue: dark orange compared to dark red. He showed me my brain for comparison, which was bright white, because the brain is always grabbing all the glucose it can get. If my cancer had returned, he explained, we would see that spot in my lung glowing bright white.

I thought that would be the story for now, and we would redo the blood assay and the CT scan around the beginning of June, to see where we would be at that point, and we would continue to do these scans every three months. That’s the story once you have cancer: everything looks clear, and you breathe a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanksgiving: but you still have to check again in a few months to see if there’s a recurrence.

But: just in case there was something there that he wasn’t seeing, the oncologist forwarded the scan to the pulmonary specialist to examine. She looked at it and said we should do a needle biopsy, as a second check. Uh oh. So that happened last week, and we met with her today. The needle biopsy showed no cancer, she said. There’s some scar tissue and there’s some associated inflammation, but the combination of the blood assay, the CT scan, and the needle biopsy provides strong evidence that there is no cancer present. So hurrah! – and we’ll do all this again in three months.

As you can imagine, all of this back-and-forth has been pretty emotional, thinking that everything is fine, then feeling anxious that maybe the cancer is back, then listening to the doctor and hearing that maybe it’s gone, then listening to the doctor a week later and realizing maybe it’s back after all. Isaiah sings to God, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Isaiah 26:3 NIV). I’m grateful for that verse, and I think I’m clear on trusting in God, no matter what happens – but it has been hard to keep my mind steadfast and to live in perfect peace through the uncertainty of these last several weeks. There is still more for me to learn, as a follower of Jesus.

In the meantime, I’ve been doing some preaching for a couple of small congregations thirty or forty miles away, once or twice a month. They’re good people, and they’d be glad for me to be there every week, but the current schedule feels like about the right speed for me: I haven’t yet built up enough stamina to feel confident in preaching every Sunday. With warmer days I am again walking more regularly, and that is helping me feel more energetic.

Again, and always, thanks for your prayers –

blog: james-ayers.com