It turns out that David was not immune from the “that’s it, wipe them all out” reaction. It’s true that Nabal was rude, ungrateful, and inhospitable to David’s men (I Samuel 25:2-11), and he probably deserved to be rebuked for that: but he probably did not deserve to die. But David decided that he would not only kill Nabal, he would also kill every man in his household (25:21-22, 34).

Like Lamech avenging himself 77-fold (Genesis 4:23-24), like Saul wiping out the family of Ahimelech and the town of Nob (I Samuel 22:18-19), David was going to exact a more-than-getting-even vengeance on Nabal. And he would have done so, except that Abigail managed to intercede (25:14-19, 26-28, 35). Not enough of her story is told; yet surely she, rather than David, is the real hero of this particular narrative.

Her technique was quite interesting. She bore no responsibility for the situation; it was her husband who had caused the problem, without her having any prior knowledge of what he intended. Yet she did three things. First, she took it upon herself to take immediate strong action to resolve the conflict. Second, she took a position of humility, accepting blame and making amends for a situation that was not her fault. And third, she commended David for his honor, even though he was not being honorable at the time.

The combination of these three created the possibility for David to regain his calm, and to be magnanimous in “pardoning” Abigail (25:35) – and thereby he had the chance to avoid the bloodshed and the bloodguilt that he would otherwise have incurred. The technique would serve us well today – though it would be quite difficult for us, because we are so reluctant to accept the blame even when we are clearly at fault: that makes it hard to believe we would willingly accept the blame when we are innocent. But Abigail managed to do that (25:31), and we need more people like her: individuals with the courage to help others choose a different course of action – an honorable and peaceful course – instead of the rage and vengeance they are aiming for.

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Deliver us from this deep desire for vengeance, O Lord: grant us counselors who will encourage us to recognize how destroying our enemies destroys us as well. Enable us to trust in you, we pray, in the confidence that that retribution – and redemption! – are in your hands.