Dear Friends –
I had a major scan ten days ago, which revealed that there are no new tumors, and the spot in my left lung has shrunk from 10 to 6 millimeters. I was feeling discouraged that it was not completely gone, but the oncologist was quite happy with this decrease in size, saying the spot may still have some live cancer in it, so we’ll continue with chemotherapy, but most of what shows on the scan is probably scar tissue rather than active cancer.
So last Thursday I started on round 8 of chemotherapy out of the 12 prescribed. I’ve had a few days where my energy was up a little over the last two weeks, to the extent that I did some baking, coming up with two rye sandwich loaves the first week and two pumpernickel loaves the second week, along with a few bagels. Micaela has found some useful things to do with these. At least once in your life you should have a marvelous peanut butter and pickle sandwich on pumpernickel bread. Yummy!
My newest concern is sleeping, which has become more and more variable. I’m tired most of the time, and when I go to bed at night I fall asleep pretty quickly. I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and fall back to sleep. Then when I awaken, between 3:00 and 5:00 am, I can’t get back to sleep. I’ll lie there for an hour or more, waiting to drop off, and I just don’t. So I get up, to read or do laundry or make toast, and feel weary throughout the day. Yesterday Micaela sent me back to bed around 8:00 am, to take a nap for an hour before church. When I woke up it was 11:10 am and I had missed church completely. Duh. There should be some joke about “the preacher slept through the sermon” here. I guess I’m glad I got the sleep I needed, but I would rather get that between 4:00 and 7:00 am. So I’m asking for your prayers, that I’d get back to a more normal sleep schedule.
Those last two paragraphs kind of contradict each other: I’ve got some energy and I’m baking, I’ve got no energy because I’m not getting enough sleep. That seems to be the way of it: from day to day it’s unpredictable. It presses me to recognize that I can’t do this in my own strength. I need to depend on the grace of Jesus. And the grace doesn’t make the difficulties go away; instead, it enables me to persevere in the midst of the struggle.
Thanks for all your prayers –
james-ayers.com 
8 responses to “Prayer Letter 10”
Jim, what a roller coaster! Aren’t you glad God is at the controls? Praying for you, my friend.
Dan Jessen
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Hi Dan! I hope things are going well for you and Nancy! Cancer has been more of an adventure than I was hoping for — a roller coaster, as you say. But the grace of Jesus really is sustaining: his strength demonstrated as sufficient in the midst of my weakness.
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Shrinkage from 10 to only 6 millimeters is AWESOME! The spot may never be completely gone, as there may well remain some scar tissue. But what a huge, positive, change in size! Truly a blessing, Jay.
Peanut butter — pickle — pumpernickel? Are you trying to terrify the cancer from your body? A novel approach, for sure.
I am certain that an irregular sleep schedule is annoying. But I am also a firm believer that your body accomplishes a lot of healing while we sleep, and are not constantly interfering with its efforts. So don’t begrudge yourself those naps! You know that God will give you all the sleep that you need, so no worries, right? But I’ll pray that you do get into a more “normal” routine.
Janice
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When I first heard of peanut butter and pickle, I thought it was probably a terrible idea: but the flavor combination turns out to work surprisingly well. The pumpernickel, which is dark and rich and heavy on the caraway, seems to balance the robust flavors quite well. I don’t know if it will work to scare the cancer away, but I can see how it is making other possible eaters at least a little nervous!
Thanks for your prayers, my friend!
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When I was especially tired during my pregnancies, Richard would tease me that the baby was probably growing an arm or leg and I should just take a nap. I’m wondering if, in your case, perhaps when you are very tired, the chemo is doing its job and killing cancer cells? I’m going to hope it is so.
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Thanks, Anne Louise! I too hope the chemo is doing its job. And I appreciate your wisdom and experience.
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So two thoughts: Naps are underrated! And 2) Arian Rogers said: “Peace isn’t the absence of problems but the addition of power to deal with them!” Peace to you brother…
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Sending love and prayers for continued healing ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏
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